thoughts on death while peeing out under the stars: a poem

INWARD AND OUTWARD

One day, when i am old
and live again beneath a sky full of stars

after this all falls away -

this star-killing pretense 
that stains each night with 
unnatural light -

I will go out into that good dark
and wait for it all to fall away:

the earth and everything in it,
the seas and birds, and 
memories and lies, 
and hate
and sex
and all the things we call God
that aren't.

I will wait until there is nothing
but the things I call me,
that aren't - 

until they, too, fade to nothing.

No.

To everything. 
Until I am everything 
and everything is me - 
one endless constellation of 
pinpricks endlessly 
swirling

whirling through the dark.

I will look inward and outward all at once
and say, in a voice both infinite and infinitesimal:

"Oh... there you are."