Tuesday, March 31, 2015

everybody wants everything

Yesterday I read a really great film script that I hated but I read it anyway. It was called "Everybody Wants Everything" and it was a comedy, and a drama, and a story about a married, middle-aged guy who has an almost-sorta-kinda affair (ok, yesit was an actual affair; stop trying to let yourself off the hook here, dirt-bag middle-aged guy). 

About a third of the way through I almost stopped reading and then again at about two thirds of the way through, because Affair-dude and his Affair-ee kept spouting this modern-day BS about "what if people weren't made to commit to other people and what about my feelings, and shouldn't I be able to screw around if I really, really want to?" 

I have a visceral response when people try to use evolutionary biology or self-actualization hippie-yoga nonsense to justify burning down the house, just so Mommy can't tell you not to play in the back yard with the local, I don't know, crack dealer.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

"girls get uglier as they get older"

This past Monday I was assigned a group of four little boys to watch out for on my son's field trip to the Schiele Natural History museum in Gastonia, North Carolina. After leaping our way from one exhibit to the next, we met up with the rest of the first graders in a big, empty conference room.

Bagged lunches were distributed, and my son and the three others in our group sat down to eat. We were talking about the things we'd seen, Minecraft, and other whatnots, when out of the blue this one little toe-headed kid said it...

"Girls get uglier as they get older."

I'm talking seriously out of nowhere. The kind of out of nowhere that has you stabbing a drink-straw into your eye to make sure you are, indeed, still awake.

"No!" I blurted, because somebody needed to say it.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

The Internet Won't Make You Happy (and other revelations)

This past Sunday evening my womanfriend-slash-sexy-time-partner-for-life-starting-this-July caught a ride with a friend back to her house in Wellesley, Massachusetts. It came out that the dude actually knew who I was, having at one time or another followed a link from the delightful Faith & Theology website to this one.

Ain't it grand the way the internet just plods on and on, making connections and drawing us all together into one, big, happy family?


Sunday, March 15, 2015

it wasn't me

Yet another bit of envelope-art, this one from a letter sent whilst I was out treeplanting in the wilds of British Columbia, where we were forever being checked for the quality of our work. Bad work, of course, required a fall guy. In my case, a fall elf.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Freakin Nashville Freakin Film Festival Screenwriting Competition Freakin Finalist

I'm happy to announce that my feature-length screenplay GINSENG is currently a finalist in the thriller/horror category of the 2015 Nashville Film Festival Screenwriting Competition (it's a straight-up thriller, though—I hate horror with a bloody, purple passion).

GINSING tells the story of an aging alcoholic who angers territorial locals when he drags his estranged son on a camping trip into the Appalachians. 

I still have to defeat / kill seven other contestants in order to win... but given that these contest pools start in the thousands, I'm feeling particularly peachy right now. The Nashville Film Festival is an Oscar-qualifying event, so if I win and I go I'll get to hang out with a bunch of legit film-peoples.


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