Status: (ab)Normal

Fun Fact: Depression is an actual (invisible, marble-sized) creature named Steve that gets into your medulla oblongata and saps your willpower to keep you from doing the things that you know will make you feel better (exercise, good food, communing with other humans). Which is to say that depression is both physiological and personal, and that while its effects can be temporarily ameliorated with the heavy use of narcotics, if you want it out of your head you're going to have to go in after it with a crocheting needle.

I've been looking for a crocheting needle. But until I find one, I'm having a hard time summoning the gumption for another blog post.

Instead, I'm going to gift you with this marvelous collection of some of my more interesting facebook status updates of the past month. You're welcome. Feel free to send me a laundry bill for all your laugh-urine stained underpants. Or just send the underpants. My address is 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. / Washington, DC. /2500. You're welcome again.

I'm going to sleep now. I'm sure that when I wake up, everything will be all better. Because sleep fixes everything.

- - -

Mar. 25 : Been feeling a bit down the past few weeks. Considering a heroin addiction as a temporary pick-me-up. Whattaya think? Good Idea / Bad idea?

Mar. 24 : Three things: One - the fungal life forms of this planet have become sentient. Two - they have elected me their supreme leader. Three - send me money, or you're all getting athlete's foot.

Mar. 24 : Sometimes I get tired of people acting like I'm some type of clown. Besides - clowns are people, too.

Mar. 19 : Any of my facebook friends have x-ray vision and the ability to fly? Something's wrong with my leg and I'd love it if you could hop over and have a look. Also, there's a bank we need to rob.

Mar. 18 : I'm going to bed now to read the end of my Civil War novel. No spoilers, people! #howdoesitend? #nomoreslavery?

Mar. 18 : If I was a girl I'd change my name to Jenny TseKwa. What does that say about me? I don't know what.

Mar. 17 : I hate when someone asks me how much I can deadlift, because my first instinct is to think, oh crap, now I'm gonna have to kill you, too.

Mar. 16 : Yesterday I self-administered my first passable haircut using only scissors and a mirror, thereby eliminating one more reason to ever have a woman in my life again. Check, check, and check.

Mar. 17 : Well, it's been half a year, but the time on my analog wristwatch is FINALLY right again.

Mar. 3 : How to get sick a lot: Step One - Produce human worm-baby. Step Two - Raise baby to age five and send to germ-production facility (aka: school). Step Three: There is no step three.