Sunday, February 2, 2014

it's easier to be naked with you when i've been working out

I've been watching you on Facebook and you know what? You're gorgeous! Simply fabulous! So happy, happy, happy all the time.

I love the way you've let me into your life. The way you publicly tell your committed, smiling significant-other how fantastic he is, or how you love her more and more, every single day. I love the way you show me your fabulous vacation and your gourmet meals and all the people who "like" every single picture you ever post because you're just. that. cool.

I hope you can appreciate the way I provide the same service for you. But I was just wondering...



...Is there any way we could just stop? Or at least, try something a little different?

I'd like a chance to show you the real me. The one that's beautiful and ugly, all at the same time. I want you to see my vulnerable bits. I want to be known. By you. By everyone. I want to be real, because I believe that the truth will set me free.

I don't know how, though. 

Every time I think I'm making some progress, I realize that the latest Josh Barkey Exposé I've crafted for this website is actually just another version of the Carefully Fabricated Self I'm making, on the way to another little facebook-brain-spike.

"Oh, look! Josh is telling us dark truths about himself again! He's so deep! I think I'll like that!"

Dude - check out my irony.

Irony is that while this post is ostensibly about naked self-revelation, the truth is that I've been angling this whole time for a way to tell you about something nifty I've done.

Yeah, sure, I also wanted to comment on how easy it is for me to flash you with naked bits of myself when those bits are ship-shape, but if I'm really being honest (and why not?), mostly I just wanted to show you the nifty thing and say,

"Hi. My name is Josh. I'm kinda awesome. So check me out."

Every word I write, though, the irony gets heavier, and harder to carry. It gets harder and harder to find a segue from self-honesty to the bit where I tell you how awesome I am.

So instead, I'm just going to pause, a moment, for some self-reflection.

The bragging?

I'll save that for tomorrow.

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