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14 Useful Steps for Getting Rid of Humans (But First: Buy a Cat)
- Introduce non-native feline species to America.
- Protect said species so it can proliferate without contending with natural predators.
- Release said species into wild in the millions to kill avian species that would otherwise be eating pesky bugs.
- Introduce non-native pesky bugs through an insistence on non-native fruits and vegetables in kitchens all over America.
- Discourage farm biodiversity to meet competition from non-native fruits and vegetables and meet growing demands for homogeneous-looking foods.
- Observe as humans move away from agrarian roots and become completely dependent on distant, disconnected food sources for sustenance.
- Begin using chemical, industrial pesticides on massive, monoculture home-grown fruit and vegetable crops to lower labor-intensity of food production and compensate for feline-avian imbalance.
- When pesticides are proven to kill bees, legislate reality out of the equation.
- When monocultured fruits and vegetables prove to be susceptible to non-native bugs and fungii, pour on chemical pesticides at an ever-accelerating rate.
- Insist that humans continue to eat chemical-laden, carcinogenic "foods" to maintain farm-industrial complex.
- Ignore warning signs of increased cancer rates and hope you're rich enough to buy an island somewhere before unsustainable food supply completely collapses.
- Observe the humans dying.
- Observe the new, Feral-Cat Society rise to prominence.
- Bow before newly-crowned Cat-King (or Queen).
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