I, Man Fail.

"Born but to die, and reasoning but to err;
Alike in ignorance, his reason such,
Whether he thinks too little or too much...
Sole judge of truth, in endless error hurled:
The glory, jest, and riddle of the world!"

             - Alexander Pope -

What most bothers me most about the Very Noisy Protestant Evangelicals spouting silliness in public these days is that they have so many little apostles. I know there are plenty of Protestant Evangelical ministers and laypeople out there who are kind, graceful, loving and gentle -- so, why is it that the poopstains among them get so much attention? Why? Why? Why? I'm hornswaggled.

But then, I remember that everything on the intercomputers always comes back to Hitler, and that even despotic, Jew-killing psychopaths can amass tremendous followings by being charismatic and telling people what they want to hear.

Let me be specific, so we'll all know who it is I'm comparing to Hitler, today.

Sometimes, for kicks and kegels, I go onto the intercomputers and read the words of people still embroiled in the world of Protestant Evangelicalism in a way that I no longer am. They tell me that lately, some of the loudest-mouthed of our brethren have been making Stay At Home Dads the target of their Pharasitic Parasitism.

For example, we've got Mark Driscoll, pastor of a bajillion people out in Seattle, saying that the SAHD phenomenon is something requiring "church discipline," and then there's that goober Owen Strachan (a "Doctor" of theology at some Christian school) calling stay at home fatherhood a "man fail."

Shouldn't these guys be curled up in a ball in the corner of some padded room, muttering to themselves? 

Instead, they've got national audiences that require a whole lot of other, not-insane Church people to waste their time shouting down the malarkey, when they ought to be out doing actual Jesus-stuff, like loving people right where they are and spreading the actual Good News to the poor, marginalized, oppressed, hungry, thirsty and imprisoned. Hint (it's about freedom and grace and completion, NOT conforming to some officially-dictated cultural mores).

You, of course, don't need me to break down how stupid and backwards these Institutionalized Sexists are.

I mean, what happens if a man has to stay home with the kids for one day, so his wife can go in for a refresher course in Submission Training (a.k.a. "Ladies Retreat")? Is he then a man fail? Or what if his legs get severed below the johnson in a freak chainsaw-juggling incident; and he loses his job at the circus; and his wife has to go back and use that lawyering degree she got (whilst searching for a man), in order to battle a two-month court case for a settlement from the Evil Hegemony that is the Ringling Brothers? Is he then a man fail? How many days, Doctor Strachan, does a man have to stay home with his kids before he'll be worthy of your judgement?

I don't have to tell y'all that, though. You're smart people -- too smart to become embroiled in the petty infighting of some dickering egomaniacs masquerading as the mouthpieces of God. You're too busy actually loving people to waste your time trying to figure out how naughty they all are, aren't you?

Because you know that the only times Jesus really got mad and made fun of people was when they were behaving like Pharisees. 


Color me vented.

Oh, and if you aren't too busy, don't forget to leave an angry comment about how I shouldn't compare those spirit-crushing pulpit-monkeys desperate to assert their warped masculinity to Hitler. Because that'll give me the opportunity to compare myself to Hitler, and recognize that with a little nudging into the Pride-land, I too would raise up an army of hyenas to massacre everybody who makes me feel inferior.

It's always something new. There's always a new direction I can take my little God-project. 


Have mercy on me, and us, and the poopstain pulpit-monkeys who in their fear pretend to have you figured, and through their pretensions hurt people and damage lives. Humble me. Humble them. And pretty, pretty please let me live a few more months, because there are a lot of great current movies I can't afford to go see in the theater.

- - -

"Most people aren't looking for the truth. They're looking for confirmation that they've got some measure of control, in a world where control perpetually eludes them."

                  - Josh Barkey -

- - -

"For I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me.
Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth?
Declare, if thou hast understanding.
Who determined the measures thereof, if thou knowest?
Or who stretched the line upon it?
Whereupon were the foundations thereof fastened?
Or who laid the corner stone thereof;
When the morning stars sang together,
And all the sons of God shouted for joy?"

                 - The Book of Job, Chapter 38 -

- - - 

Note: This has been a response to a guest post on Rachel Held Evans blog about stay at home dads. Check it out HERE.


  1. More examples that socially American Evangelicals are aligned with old repeats of Leave it Beaver...

  2. Gee, Wally. If mom doesn't greet pop at the door in an apron with perfect make-up every day, I just don't know how I'll feel about my own sexuality, anymore.

  3. Why, oh why, did I watch that Mark Driscoll video? I am so tired of the troglodytes who keep trying to force the rest of us to live in their ill-conceived, mind-controlling paradigm. I am more convinced with every thing I see and read from Driscoll, that he would actually loathe Jesus as a person if he were here with us today. Jesus would make just the worst Christian that Driscoll could even imagine.

  4. Seems likely, Darren. But then I find myself wondering what MY reasons might be for disliking him (Jesus, that is... I'm pretty clear about Mark Driscoll :)


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