Friday, April 20, 2012

if you've got it, prommit.

I read somewhere that principles are the things you abandon when you really, really love someone. So, yeah, fine - I did swear I'd never go to prom, and I absolutely intended to stand by that. But given that this is probably the last time I'll ever graduate from high school; and since the Seniors this year are the ones I started with four years ago as a freshman teacher... I figured I'd suck it up, abandon my principles, and chaperone the shahpoopie outta this shindig.

This Saturday night I'll go, I'll smile, and I'll do my darndest to keep my sarcastic, snarky comments to the absolute minimum. I'll sit there for FOUR FRIGGIN' HOURS doing Lordy-knows-what, and then I'll go home... still smiling that great, big, plastic-frozen smile of mine. Why? Love, baby. It's all about the love.

Nonetheless... it's not Saturday night yet; so I would like to take this opportunity to say that prom - like bottled water and ripped designer jeans - seems to me to be the sort of ree-donkulous happenstance that occurs when most of the world is starving and a small percentage of the populace is overwhelmed with guilt at having more money than it knows what to do with.

Yeah, right.

My first year as a high school teacher (the year I swore I'd never, ever, ever go to prom), I polled a group of students on what they expected to spend, on average, on things like: tuxes, dresses, tickets, limos, before-and-after parties, corsages and cetera; and the number they came up with as the total for our hundred and twenty Juniors and Seniors was about fourteen grand. FOURTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS!!! They all agreed it was crazy and sad and nuts and stupid... and then proceeded to go, anyways. Because that's just what you do, here in America.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this seems to me to be a clear sign that America is, in fact, hooped up the creek without a paddle. So... I'll see y'all on the flipside of Saturday / the Apocalypse... I'll be the guy standing over by the wet-bar, smirking self-righteously and humming about love.

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