my marvelous mind

I have decided that I am incredibly, incredibly intelligent.

F. Scott Fitzgerald (the guy from that recent Woody Allen movie) famously said that "the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function," and I've got scads of these opposed ideas playing tug-o-war for control of my head-noodles at any given time.

Here are a few:

1.) I desperately want a woman in my life, versus: I would rather scoop my own eyeballs out with a rusty spoon and feed them to a rabid porcupine with my bare hands than have a woman in my life. 

2.) I am a golden god of the pen and everyone on the entire planet should read every word I ever write, whilst nations send delegations to beg me to keep tapping on these keys, versus: I am a no-talent hack who can't write worth beans and ought to make a pilgrimage to Canada on my bleeding knees to apologize to every tree stump that ever gave its life so I'd have notebooks to scribble on.

3.) I'm totally comfortable cruising along inside the general parameters of the religion in which I've been raised, versus: I am sick and tired of everybody pretending to know things they can't possibly know, and want to kiss Hitler's would-be assassin - Dietrich Bonhoeffer - for even suggesting the possibility of a religion-less Christianity.

4.) Strawberry ice cream is my favorite, versus: all ice cream is my favorite.

Now all I have to do is prove my ability to fulfill the second part of that Fitzgerald quote. Which is totally gonna be a breeze because I'm completely okay, and functioning at my absolute peak at all times and I thinglrb, glrb, glrb...

(breaks into uncontrollable sobs - goes off to eat ice cream).


  1. Josh: Nice post! Reminds me of how Paul Ricoeur described Kierkegaard's thought: A dialectic without resolution. John McNassor

  2. Thanks, John. I thought of namedropping old Kierkegaard in there... but since I'm only vaguely aware of him and his thinking, I figured it'd be dishonest.

  3. I totally agree! Strawberry is the best!

  4. I'm sick of your controversy-hounding blog posts and your fruity approach to ice-cream is the strawberry that broke the camel's back.

  5. You know what broke the camel's back, Swiftshanks? It was ME, because I was angry about your silhouette avatar for this comment. OWN your horrendous slander, you insufferable cretin!

    Also, we should hang out and do another photography expotition again sometime soon. Peace.


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