Tuesday, December 6, 2011

potty minds

A sage Machiguenga living in the jungles of Peru, South America once said that there are two types of people in the world - those who wear hats, and those who don't. But I, aware as I am of the advances of Western civilization, know that there are actually four types of people in the world (well, five, if you count folks who like to make pretentious lists that once and for all divide up the types of people in the world).


 The four types of people in the world are:

1. Those who use bidets.

2. Those who wish they could use bidets but don't because they don't have access to them.

3. Those who don't really know about bidets, and therefore aren't particularly bothered that they don't get to use them.

4. those who know about bidets and might or might not have access to them, but through an act of willful stubbornness continue to assert that they actually prefer to put their hand down there to wipe excrement from their [ahem, ahems] with bits of dry paper.

This is, perhaps, the key moral issue of our time. And although I am hesitant to pass any kind of moral judgment on anyone else, ever, I have to say that the final group really gets my goat. These are the sort of people who are so invested in the idea that "the way they've always done it" is the right one, that they will actually turn off their brains and argue against the obvious in order to avoid having their paradigm shifted in a less feceous direction.

Feel free to extrapolate this principle out to whatever other sort of willfully ignorant behavior you've ever encountered.

6 comments:

  1. Wet underwear is underrated, you are so right.

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  2. On a related note, I just bought a phenomenal device called a "Freshette"! For the hiker gal who wants to pee standing up with the best of 'em- and it's one more way to avoid a filthy commode.

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  3. "Freshette" that's a strange name, the Company's executives probably stayed up all night thinking that one up. lol.

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  4. there's a similar product under the brand name "Go girl Go!"
    Preferable?

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. Yes, it doesn't sound vaguely obscene, and I like its upbeat tone. Although I think a hiker girl peeing standing up is kind of a turn on.

    I'll never forget the scene in Mike Figgis' THE LOSS OF SEXUAL INNOCENCE where a woman, an Eve-figure, pees standing up. Unusual, and beautiful somehow.

    [I got the film title wrong the first time]

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