signs of the times

My favorite bad church sign I drive by on the way to work had this little gem the past few weeks:


As usual, I could not tell exactly how I was meant to be offended by that statement. Should I be bothered by the vaguely threatening tone? Or insulted in a half-bemused way that this church seemed to think it a good idea to pitch Jesus as something you ought to just "give a whirl?" Has the marketing of Jesus come to this point? 

"Tired of your regular, boring old morning pick-me-up? Try the all new and improved... JESUS! Guaranteed to  put a pep in your step and a nest egg in your bank account. We're so sure you'll be thrilled with our product that we're cancelling our 'All-Sales-Final' policy. Just bring the item back in the same condition you found it and we'll return your putrescent, evil, useless life to you... No Questions Asked! What are you waiting for? Try JESUS today!"


  1. One of my insightful, no Bubba-Schtickey friends challenged me to stop whining and come up with my own top ten church signs. You know... being a part of the solution and all that jive.

    So here are my thoughts, in random order (feel free to add your own).

    Top Ten Church Signs in Josh World:

    1. Hungry? Free food inside any day of the week.

    2. Sorry for being idiots. Please come in and let us apologize further.

    3. We will be downgrading to a MUCH smaller building soon. Please come for our yard sale on Saturday: All proceeds will go to people other than us - people who actually need the money.

    4. Did we mention we're sorry?

    5. Learning to Love. Come help us practice.

    6. Welcome to the community of the broken.

    7. For answers, please consult the internet (we mostly just do hugs).

    8. We're not going to tell you who our pastor is. Dare you to come in and try to figure it out!

    9. After this Sunday, we will no longer be meeting in this building but will be moving to the homes of our congregants. Someone will be by soon with a pie to invite you.

    10. Really, really, really sorry.


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